I’ve been thinking about conditional and unconditional love for a while and I have concluded that love can only ever truly be unconditional if it is at first sight. Anything else is with conditions- the person displayed certain qualities that made you fall in love- but for these qualities you wouldn’t have fallen in love. Those are conditions. I am referring to the love of spouse/partners. With regards to unconditional love- this usually manifests in the form of parent (s) and child (more so than it does with partners) it is extremely common to fall in love with your baby before you have even met them, whilst they are still in the womb. And once they come out- even with all the stress and difficulty, the lack of sleep- the new conditions of dealing with a brand new baby- your heart feels like it may explode from all the love it feels for this bundle of energy.
Usually, when people talk about unconditional/conditional love they tend to speak ‘badly’ of conditional love. More weight or importance is given to unconditional love. We forget that love like all other things needs to be nurtured. If you water a flower it will blossom. If you look after a garden it will grow beautifully. If the conditions are conducive then we achieve beautiful results. If we do not water the flower/garden- it will fade and die. Even things- inanimate objects- if you don’t oil your bicycle chain it becomes stiff and your bicycle will not run as smoothly. Don’t service your car? It breaks down. Don’t clean your house? It becomes a filthy mess. It is maintenance culture. The same goes for people and emotions In fact even more so. We should never really be guilt tripped into accepting “unconditional” supposed love. Where we tolerate abuse of any sort- lack of peace of mind. Because we believe that love is supposed to be unconditional.
And also what is love? Most make out like love is this unattainable thing that takes a long time to achieve. It is so hard to love we are told. You can’t fall in love instantaneously if you do that’s a rarity. I disagree- I believe that we make out like love is so unattainable when Infact it is the most attainable thing because it is what we as humans were designed to give and receive. Why is it when we watch a movie everybody agrees that the tears we cried are real tears, provoked by real emotions, brought about by watching this movie-yet they can’t agree that you can fall in love with someone in the movie and genuinely love them real love. Just like your real tears. Every other emotion is never questioned- well not to the extent that love is-because we have over complicated the meaning of love. Made it this unattainable thing- one that normally comes after pain trauma or years of waiting. That is far from the truth.
Love is completely accessible and the most magnificent thing we can give eachother as human beings and we do do it- daily even without realising- because we are thinking about grand gestures of love when even the smallest act of kindness is a display of love and the goodness that fights to come out within us -our inherent nature. This is why a serial killer can still have kids and a family that they love. How rapists, pedophiles, can all have families, things, people that they care about or enjoy nature or love animals etc. These supposedly abhorrent people still display acts of love and kindness. Love isn’t difficult- neither is it unattainable. I don’t care what society has said- we must understand that we exude love regularly because WE ARE LOVE PERSONIFIED. Continue to water yourself daily. That way even if no one else waters you- you know you are still growing. You are blossoming beautifully. Because you put the responsibility in your hands. No one else’s. Flourish.