I have had a few conversations with some guys and I’ve observed online debates in comment sections tweets etc, where men tend to bash or belittle one woman in order to get another woman’s attention. They will say things like “oh you handled that debate well not like most black women who would have shouted/screamed etc”. I am NOT the anomaly. Most black women know how to compose themselves and have intelligent debates.
Do not tell me “oh I love your mind and your aspirations, most *insert race or nationality* women don’t aspire to be anything more than…” Oga listen, let me reiterate… I AM NOT THE ANOMALY. Millions of women aspire to greatness. Do not tell me “oh you make me proud not like most black women who tend to have simple minds.” The nerve and ignorance. I am NOT the anomaly. “Your vocabulary is extensive that’s rare for women these days….” *screams with a megaphone* I. AM. NOT. THE.ANOMALY. Or “you’re natural not like those women who paint make up on their faces.” As if those women who do use more make up than others are somehow wrong and deserve to be shamed. She can wear as much or as little as she wants. It does not mean she is better or less than another woman.
Now, I do realise that SOME women tend to like men who bash other women whilst supposedly uplifting them personally or stroking their egos, as I like to call it. For example “oh I love that you stay home and you’re not always in the clubs like most girls these days, I like that you read novels not like most girls these days etc”, because it makes them feel good. Makes them feel like they are better than other women.
Like Chimamanda Adichie rightfully highlighted; women have been taught from small to be in competition with each other for the affections of men. So some bash, they hate, they tear down their fellow woman because they believe they are closer to winning the prize ‘a husband’. The more bad apples that appear to be in the basket means more chances for them. The ‘insult another to compliment me’ tactic does not work with me. In fact it is extremely off putting. Bashing my fellow woman or my fellow black queen whilst supposedly complimenting me does not boost my ego. In actuality, it is a reflection of the type of mindset you possess. It shows that you feed into the false narratives and negative stereotypes that the whitewashed media utilises to perpetuate negatives views on black women as a whole. Black women are strong. Black women are intelligent. Black women are compassionate. Black women are powerful. Black women are fantastic wives/mothers/doctors/teachers/lawyers/MUAs/ stylists/ hairdressers/ judges/producers/musicians/engineers/ writers etc. They can be whatever they choose to be and be the doyenne of that field. Black women are magnificent beings. You truly have to see the beauty in us for me to even begin to consider granting you audience.
Unfounded assumptions and generalisations do not Impress me. Like I always say “…and when we empower and support each other, we metamorphose beyond our wildest dreams” . Do not attempt to ‘uplift me’ by dragging other women down. Simply pay a compliment if you must without defaming other black women. It is possible. Instead of saying ‘you’re intelligent most women don’t like to…’ just stop at, I think you are intelligent. I like your mind. I like your interests. Period. I am NOT the anomaly. Most Black women are profound, brilliant and phenomenal beings. They exude that melanin magic. No ifs, no buts, no anomalies. Put some respect on these queens. #becauseknowledgeofselfisnirvana ✨ ✨